New people? (Yes.) A lot of… English(-speaking)? (Yes.) OK. All the Westerners come here. All the English-speaking Westerners, the black, the white, the yellow, the red, the stripes. You come here. You’re good? You guys are going or coming? (Going.) Now? (9:00 to 9:30.) 9:30. Wow, you have two hours and a half. (Yes.) Ah, good, good enough, good enough, good enough. Yeah, yeah. Come in, come in, come in. You don’t know anything anyway, right? (No.) Come in, come in, come in, come in. Everybody, quick, quick, quick, quick.
All the black guys, where are they? Oh, yeah. OK, guys. That’s it? I’ve seen some black people, where are they? (They are coming.) Come in quick. Yeah, yeah. Sit down, sit down, anywhere, anywhere, good, good, good. Come inside quickly before no room. Yeah, there are some more “chocolates.” I don’t see a lot of “chocolates.” Where have they gone? Chocolate? Another chocolate somewhere. Even if you’ve been before. It doesn’t matter. Just sit down anywhere, honey. Sit on top of that white bearded guy, black and white, to show the integrity. Yeah, you sit there; it’s fine, doesn’t matter, it’s good. Just come in, sit, sit, sit here, here. Here, here sit among beautiful ladies. Done, yeah? Sorry, you’re eating? You can bring your food there, honey. You listen with your ears, not with your mouth, so it doesn’t matter. OK?
Where is the other chocolate with the beautiful hair? (She’s sleeping, Master.) She’s sleeping already? (Yes.) She is? (She’s in the back of the…) It doesn’t matter if she sleeps, who cares. No, where? OK, you want to sleep, you stay there. Anyone else? Sleeping, huh? It must be tiring, sitting all day, all night, listening to stories and jokes. Look at the brother, he’s not sleeping. He sits there all day. He never moves anywhere. (He’s a die-hard.) Huh? (He’s a die-hard.) Hard to die. Never die, it’s an undying love. OK. Good. Alright. I thought the chocolate, they’re tough guys, but they’re not really tough, huh? Sleeping with her hair like that, she will ruin her hair. You do not sleep after you have your hairdo, no? It’d be ruined, huh?
OK. We are telling jokes now. I’m not asking for your opinion anymore. Come. They took all your space. Look at that! Over there. (Somewhere here.) More space there, honey. (More space.) Go ahead, go ahead. Just go in. We’re starting now. (Come on, come on.) You just sit right on top of that guy with the white head. There you are. We miss you, that’s why we got you in here. Because you’re going soon, right guys? (Yes.) You’re going today, right? (Yes.) Choco? (Yes.) You’re going today, right? (Yes. Saturday morning.) Tomorrow? (Tomorrow.) No wonder. No wonder she can sleep now. It seems long? Is it long these days? (No.) No? (Very fast.) Very fast, huh? (Yes.) Because I told many stories.
The wife told the husband, “Darling, you know that (vegan) cake you asked me to bake for you? Well, sorry, the dog(-person) ate it.” Convenient. Her husband said, “That’s OK, dear. Don’t cry, I will buy you another dog(-person).” Oh, man.
Two husbands met each other, in a bar, I guess, and talked bad about their wives, gossip. “My wife spent four hours in the beauty shop the other day.” “Boy, that’s a long time. Why?” So the other husband said, “Yeah, and that was just for the estimate.” How much it costs and all that.
The wife said, “I dreamed you gave me $100 for summer clothes last night. You wouldn’t spoil that dream, would you, my darling?” So the husband said, “Of course not. You may keep the $100 in the dream.”
The husband asked the wife, “Where did you get that new hat?” So the wife said, “Don’t worry, dear. It didn’t cost a thing.” The husband was very surprised. “How?” So the wife said, “It was marked down from $20 to $10. So I bought it with the $10 that I saved.” The discount, so it doesn’t cost a thing. How good.
One very hot day, when guests were present for dinner, a mother asked her four-year-old son to say grace. The son protested, “Mother, I don’t know what to say.” So, she told him, “You just say what you have heard me say.” Obediently, he bowed his head and said, “Oh Lord, why did I invite those people here on a hot day like this?” That’s what he heard. My God. You better watch out. Your kids say anything, all the truth.
Remember the joke I told you a long time ago? The mother said to the kid, “I’m having guests today. Don’t always come and tell me that you want to go poo and all that, OK? It’s not very nice and not very pretty. So, if you really want to go poo, you tell me, ‘Mother, I want to go to pluck flowers.’” So the kid said, “OK.” And then she forgot. So the kid came in and said, “Mom, Mom!” She wanted to say something, and mother said, “Not now, honey, I’m busy. Don’t you see, I’m having guests and having tea with guests. Can you tell me later?” So later, after a while, she saw the kid go in the corner and sulked, so she felt a little sorry and said, “OK, come and tell me, what is it?” “Oh, it’s too late. I already plucked flowers in my pants.”
The doctor said, “Well, your leg is swollen, but I wouldn’t worry about it.” So, the patient said, “Yeah, I wouldn’t worry about it either, if it was your leg.” Easy to say when it’s not your problem.
Two women were talking and one said, “My youngest has trouble with eczema and asthma.” The other woman said, “Oh, that’s nasty. That’s pretty nasty. How did he get them?” So, the first woman said, “He hasn’t got them. He just can’t spell them.” I also would have problems with spelling this. There’s some words you just can’t spell. They don’t read the way they spell. It’s all very confusing sometimes.
A doctor began his examination of an elderly man by asking him what brought him to the hospital. So, the old man looked surprised and said, “Why? It was an ambulance.” What brought him to hospital. “Couldn’t you tell?” Well, who knows? Maybe he got in by a taxi, no? What the doctor means, you know, right? (Yes.) Like what’s the trouble with him, what’s the matter with him, or what ails him.
OK, now. The first doctor asked the second one, “Have you ever made a serious mistake in the diagnosis of a patient?” The second said, “Yes, I once treated a patient for indigestion when he could have afforded an appendectomy.” More expensive. You know, right?
I don’t want to say all the same jokes. So we have to take a break sometimes, so it’s not boring – you know, always about doctors and always about students or always about husbands.
In the middle of the night, Karen awoke screaming in pain, “Quick, quick!” She yelled at her husband, “John, ring the doctor, I think it’s my appendix.” So, John got on the blower… It means the phone, right? They say a “blower,” my God. “Doctor, it’s my wife. She’s screaming in pain and thinks it’s her appendix.” So, the doctor said, “John, John, John, John, calm down and go back to sleep. I took out your wife’s appendix four years ago. And in my years as a doctor, I have never heard of anyone having another one.” I think we had this before, no? (No.) (No.) “Fine,” Johnny said dryly, “But have you ever heard of anyone having another wife?” (Oh…) Ah, yeah. Of course. He presumed anything.
This is a long one. A man sought medical aid because he had popped eyes and a ringing in the ears. I think we had this already, no? Maybe not. OK, maybe not. A doctor looked him over and suggested that his tonsils should be removed. So, the operation resulted in no improvement. So the patient consulted another doctor who suggested that his teeth should be removed. So, the teeth were extracted, but still the man’s eyes popped and the ringing in his ears continued. A third doctor told him bluntly, “You’ve got six months to live.”
In that event, the doomed man decided that he’d treat himself right while he could. So he bought a flashy car, hired a chauffeur, had the best tailor in town make him 30 suits. He spent as much as he had while he’s still alive. Then he decided that even his shirts would be made-to-order. So everything is first class. Probably he had money. That’s why all the doctors operated on him so badly. So, if you have money, maybe you shouldn’t tell your doctor. So he just treats you a common cold instead of removing your appendix or something else.
“OK,” said the shirtmaker, “Let’s get your measurement. Ah, 34(-inch) sleeves, 16(-inch) collar.” “Collar,” yeah? (Yes.) ‘‘15(-inch),’’ the man said. “16(-inch) collar,” the shirtmaker repeated, measuring again. So, the man said, “But I’ve always worn a 15(-inch).” Fifteen, I think, inches or something? (Yes.) Is that how they call it? Fifteen inches, collar. So, the man said again, arguing. So, the shirtmaker said, “Hey, listen, I’m warning you. If you keep on wearing a 15(-inch) collar, your eyes will pop and you will have a ringing in your ears.” All this time for nothing.
I tell you. You know what, guys? I wore this just to sell, so now I’m going to change into something more comfortable. I’ll come back in two minutes. I thought I could bear it, but I don’t want to. Because when … (This one’s the prettiest.) Huh? (This is the prettiest. You should have it on all the time.) Fine. (It’s beautiful.) But I want to breathe. I want to laugh. I’ll come back. OK, guys? (Yes, yes.) (Thank You.) (Thank You, Master.) If you really like it, have one more look. Enough, yeah? (Yes.) Philippine style. (Wow.) (Lovely.) Tong said, “Please, wear them all so we can sell them.” All this stuff. I’m coming back in 2 minutes, I promise. Because, you know, it’s pretty maybe, but it’s not for laughing. It might “pop.”
Photo Caption: “Real Time, Real Flower, REAL LOVE”
